Minerva McGonagall
by dhawthorne
Summary: An Albus/Minerva version of Mary Poppins: including revised versions of the songs! Please read and review! ON PERMANANT HIATUS.
1. The Perfect Wife

Chapter One: The Perfect Wife

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Disclaimer: Most of the dialogue in this story will be taken directly from the Mary Poppins screenplay. I do not own the rights to Mary Poppins or Harry Potter - I'm just having fun!

* * *

A bright, swan-sized bird with red and gold plumage sat on a tree branch, singing cheerfully. Suddenly, he noticed our presence, and he stopped whistling.

"Oh, it's you! Hello! You wish to see Albus Dumbledore, you say? All right, come along with me. This here is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a rather nice school, you might say. Albus's office is just down this hallway a bit. Now, this imposing statue is what first greets the eye; this is the gargoyle that guards Albus's office. His name is Binnacle."

"Good afternoon to you, Fawkes," Binnacle said.

"Good afternoon, Binnacle. I've got some parties in tow that want to see the Headmaster."

"Aye-aye, but a word of advice: storm signals are up in his office. Bit of heavy weather brewing there."

"Thank you, Binnacle. I'll keep an eye skinned. Here we are!" Fawkes told us as we step onto the moving staircase. "Workplace of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts. Hello, hello, hello, Binnacle's right. Heavy weather brewing up here, and no mistake!"

We came upon a rather strange sight – an elderly house-elf trying to prevent a woman from leaving the office. She had several bags in her hands, and it appeared that she was leaving.

"Leave her alone!" a portrait shouted at the house-elf.

"Headmaster Dippet is needing to shut up now!" the house-elf squeaked.

"Don't you be trying to stop that wretched creature from leaving! Let her go, that's what I say, and good riddance! I never liked her from the moment she set foot in the door," the portrait shot back.

"But I is getting stuck with taking care of Master Albus when there is being no future wife for Master Albus!" the house-elf squeaked indignantly. "You is not having to make Master Albus eat his greens! You is just but paint and canvas!"

"Her and her high and mighty ways! And that face of hers that would stop a coal barge! I don't know what Albus saw in her. She's not even that intelligent!" the portrait declared.

"Indeed, Headmaster Dippet! I wouldn't stay in this castle for another minute, not even if you heaped me with all the jewels in the Wizarding world!" the woman told the portrait as she moved towards the door. The house-elf ran and blocked the door from the woman.

"No, no, Missus Vance, don't go!" the house-elf cried.

"Stand away from that door!" the woman commanded.

"But what is I to say to Master Albus when he is returning and is not finding you here?" the house-elf asked her.

"It is no concern of mine. He has disregarded me for the last time!" the woman declared imperiously. "I've said my say and that's all I'll have to do from now on with this place. I've done with him – and this wretched castle – forever!"

"Well, hip, hip, hooray! Don't let Peeves catch you on the way out!" Headmaster Dippet's portrait called.

"Now, now, please, Missus Vance," the house-elf cried, stopping when singing wafted up the staircase. "Master Albus, he is returned!"

"_Our daughters' daughters will adore us,_

_And they'll sing in grateful chorus,_

'_Well done, Order of the Phoenix!'"_

"Good evening Emmeline, Bloomie," Aberforth Dumbledore said. "We had a very productive meeting tonight! Dedalus Diggle chained himself in front of the Minister's office! And Elphius Doge, he was almost arrested!"

"I'm glad you're back, Aberforth," Emmeline told him. "I want you to know that I've always given my all to this…"

Aberforth cut her off. "That's brilliant, Emmeline, I always knew you were won of us!"

He breaks out into song, "We're clearly soldiers in wizards' robes  
And dauntless crusaders for sensible votes  
Though we adore some of the Ministry,  
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!"

"Aberforth," Emmeline says impatiently.

"Cast off the shackles of yesterday!  
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!  
Our daughters' daughters will adore us  
And they'll sing in grateful chorus  
'Well done, Order of the Phoenix!'"

"Being that as it may, I do not wish to offend, but I –" Emmeline tried again.

"From Kensington to Billingsgate  
One hears the restless cries!  
From ev'ry corner of the land:  
"Wizardkind, arise!"  
Political equality and equal rights again!  
Take heart! For Albus Dumbledore has been sent to Azkaban!

No more the meek and mild subservients we!  
We're fighting for our rights, magically!  
Never you fear!"

"Aberforth, may I have a word," she broke in, but he ignored her and continued singing, even joined by Bloomie, Armando Dippet, and Fawkes.

"So, cast off the shackles of yesterday!"

"Aberforth!" Emmeline said loudly.

"Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!  
Our daughters' daughters will adore us  
And they'll sing in grateful chorus  
'Well done! Well done!  
Well done Order --!'"

"Aberforth!" she finally shouted.

"What is it, Emmeline," he said, annoyed that she interrupted him, "And where's Albus?"

"I don't know where your brother is. I never know where he is, that's the problem. I'm leaving – you can tell him that if he spent more time with me, he would not be in this situation."

"Emmeline, this is really too cruel of you. You won't even tell him yourself?" Aberforth asked her.

She snorted. "No, I will not. If he was here, I would; but he is not, so I won't. Goodbye, Aberforth." Emmeline walked out the door and rode the moving staircase down. The gargoyle stepped aside, and she came face-to-face with Albus.

"Good day, Emmeline," Albus said. "Let me help you with those bags." He placed a Feather Light charm on them, and she sniffed as she walked past him.

Albus turned his attention to the gargoyle. "How do things look today, Binnacle?"

"I shouldn't wonder if you weren't steering into a nasty piece of weather. Albus! Do you hear me?"

"Mmm, yes, very good," Albus murmured distractedly as he stepped onto the moving staircase.

"I feel a surge of deep satisfaction

Much as a king astride his noble steed

When I return from daily strife to my soon-to-be-wife,

How pleasant is the life I lead!" Albus sang.

"Albus, it's about Emmeline…" Aberforth began.

"Yes, yes, yes," Albus cut him off, then continued singing.

"I run my school precisely on schedule

At 6:01, I march through my door

My slippers, hot cocoa, and candy are due at 6:02

Consistent is the life I lead!"

"Albus, she's left you," Aberforth told him.

"Splendid, splendid," Albus snapped, before once again breaking out in song.

"It's grand to be a wizard in 1962

The Wizarding world is stable;

And the Muggle world too.

I'm the lord of my castle

The sov'reign, the liege!

I treat my subjects: house-elves, students, soon-to-be-wife

With a firm but gentle hand

Noblesse oblige!

It's 6:03 and the queen of my dominion

Is waiting at the door to see I'm adequately fed

And so I'll pat her on the head

Then join her in our bed

Ah! Lordly is the life I lead!" Albus concluded his song, then looked around the room.

"Aberforth, where is Emmeline?"

"She's not here, Albus," Aberforth said.

"Nonsense!" Albus exclaimed. "Of course she's here. Where else would she be?"

"She's left you, Albus," Aberforth told him. Albus sighed and sat down heavily in an armchair.

"Ah, well," he began. "We were not really happy together, after all. It's for the best."

"Well, I do know another woman…" Aberforth began. Albus held up a hand, stopping him midway through his sentence.

"Aberforth, let's admit that your judgement on matters such as my personal life has not been the best – after all, you have set me up with six women in the past four years, and none of them have suited me. Choosing a wife for a wizard is an important and delicate task. It requires insight, balanced judgement, and an ability to read character. Under the circumstances, I think it might be appropriate to take it upon myself to, uh, choose my wife."

"Well, Albus, obviously the way to find a proper wife is to go about it in a proper fashion. You should put an advertisement in the _Daily Prophet_. Take this down please: Wanted. Uh, no. Uh, required. Wife: firm, respectable, no nonsense:

A wizard's wife must be a general!

Her husband's empire lies within her hands

And so the woman that you need

to mold your future breed

Is a wife who can give commands!

A Wizard school is run with precision

A Wizard's home requires nothing less!

Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools

Without them - disorder!

Catastrophe! Anarchy! -

In short, we have a ghastly mess!"

"Splendid, Aberforth! Inspirational! The _Daily Prophet_ will be so pleased!" Armando Dippet exclaimed.

"No, no, no, Aberforth – while that is quite a nice advertisement, how about something like this:

Wanted: A wife for one adorable Headmaster.

If you want this choice position

Have a cheery disposition

Rosy cheeks, no warts!

Play games, all sort

You must be kind, you must be witty

Very sweet and fairly pretty

Talk to me kindly, give Fawkes treats

Sing songs, like sweets

Never be cross or cruel

Never give me castor oil or gruel

Love Fawkes as a son, and you ought to

Like to wear stockings with garters

If you won't scold and dominate me

I will never give you cause to hex me

I won't hide your spectacles

So you can't see

Put toads in our bed

Or pepper in your tea

Hurry, Darling!

Many thanks

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore."

"Thank you, most interesting," Aberforth told him. "And now I think we've had quite enough of this nonsense," he ended.

"Now, really, Aberforth!" Fawkes exclaimed. "_Albus_ is looking for a wife, not you!"

"I am well aware that _Albus_ is looking for a wife, Fawkes. I only congratulate myself that I decided to step in and take a hand. 'Play games, sing songs, give treats.' Ridiculous. He's not looking for a nanny! There's no question in my mind whatsoever. Now is the time for action!" Aberforth crumpled the advertisement Albus made and threw it into the wastebasket, before walking over to the fireplace to Floo the _Daily Prophet_. Unnoticed by everyone, Fawkes took hold of the advertisement and hid it. When Aberforth had left and Albus had retired for the night, Fawkes extricated the advertisement from its hiding spot and disappeared in a ball of flame, reappearing in Edinburgh.

"Hello, Fawkes," a woman with dark hair said, stroking his red-and-gold plumage softly.

"Minerva, I think this will interest you," Fawkes told her, producing the crumpled advertisement. She smoothed out the paper and read it, her face lighting up in joy as she read it.

"Is it true, Fawkes?" Minerva asked him. He nodded. "Oh, thank you! I will most certainly apply." Giving him a kiss on his soft feathered head, Fawkes disappeared once more in a burst of flame. Minerva once more smoothed out the paper lovingly, and went to her room to prepare. She had quite a job ahead of her.


	2. Sherbet Lemon

Chapter Two: Sherbet Lemon

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A/N: Thank you to all of my readers; and thanks especially to Junora, KristaMarie, Lionfire5224, and snakenliontwins for the reviews; and thanks especially to snakenliontwins, kaphfan, and chnadlleyes for the story alerts and favourites! I hope you all enjoy this next chapter, and please read and review!

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The next morning, a long line of women stretched from the gates of Hogwarts halfway to Hogsmeade.

"There's a fair queue of women outside, Albus – should we have Bloomie show them in?" Aberforth asked his brother.

"It's not eight o'clock yet, Aberforth," Albus said, peering out the window and wrinkling his nose at the women he saw there. "And I said eight o'clock, and eight o'clock is shall jolly well be. You see?" he said, pulling out his watch with twelve hands and no numbers, "twelve seconds to go. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!"

As Albus was counting, a strong wind began to pick up outside. At first, the women's clothes were blown about, but as the wind grew in strength and speed, they began to be blown away. Several women grabbed hold of the gates, but their grip failed and they were blown away too. A small silver tabby cat padded lightly up to the gates and sat down in front of them patiently. Fawkes, who was looking out the window, smiled at the sight.

"Bloomie!" Aberforth called. "You may now show them in, one at a time."

"Yes, Master Aberforth," Bloomie replied before popping down to the gates and opening them to the tabby cat, who suddenly changed into a woman.

"You may be coming in now, one at a time," Bloomie told her, looking around for the other women in confusion.

"Thank you," Minerva McGonagall said, and stepped onto the grounds of Hogwarts. Bloomie led her up to the Headmaster's office. Albus was sitting in his high-backed chair, looking through his mail as she entered the office. Aberforth rose from his seat by the fire and greeted her.

"You are the brother of Albus Dumbledore, are you not?" she asked him imperiously.

"Uh, yes, yes I am," he replied, taken aback at the forthrightness of this woman. Albus looked up from his mail, his mouth dropping open at the sight of this woman.

"All right. Now then, the qualifications," she took a piece of parchment from her robe's pocket. 'Item one: a cheery disposition.' I am never cross. 'Item two: rosy cheeks.' Obviously. 'Item three: play games, all sorts.' Well, I'm sure that your brother will find my games extremely diverting."

Aberforth gaped open-mouthed at the parchment. "Eh, this parchment – where did you get it from? I thought I threw it away."

"Excuse me," Minerva said. "'Item four: you must be kind.' I am kind, but extremely firm," she looked up from the paper and noticed Aberforth re-enacting taking the paper from Albus and throwing it away, much to the amusement of Fawkes and Albus. "Excuse me, have you lost something?" she asked him.

"Ah! Yes – that paper, you see. I thought that I –" Aberforth said, but was cut off.

"You are Aberforth Dumbledore, are you not?" she asked him.

"What?" he replied.

"And you did advertise for a wife for your brother, did you not?"

"Aberforth Dumbledore," Aberforth murmured distractedly.

"Very well, then. That seems to be settled. Now, Headmaster Dumbledore," she said, turning to him, "Will you show me to our rooms?" Albus immediately leapt out of his chair and extended his arm before leading her up a set of brass spiral stairs. Aberforth remained in the middle of the room, muttering to himself.

"Well, is that it, then?" Armando Dippet asked curiously.

"Yes, yes, I suppose it is," Aberforth said, still going through the motions of throwing away the paper.

"Well, then, call your house-elf to dismiss the others!" Armando replied impatiently. He had no time for buffoons.

"Right, right," Aberforth muttered distractedly. "Bloomie!"

The house-elf appeared in the room with a pop. "Yes, Master Aberforth?" Bloomie asked.

"Tell the other applicants they may go. The position has been filled."

"The others, Master Aberforth?" Bloomie asked, confused.

"Yes, the others," he snapped impatiently. "How many wives do you think that Albus needs? Polygamy _is_ illegal in Britain, after all!"

Bloomie nodded, then popped down to the main gates. Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's cat, was sitting just inside the gates.

"The position is being filled," Bloomie told her, and Mrs. Norris walked away.

* * *

"I'm afraid our rooms aren't very tidy," Albus said apologetically to Minerva. She took in the expansive, yet cluttered room with a discerning eye.

"It is rather like a bear pit, isn't it?" she asked him. He led her into the bedroom.

"This is our room, and there's a lovely view of the lake," he said nervously, watching as her sharp eyes noticed every detail.

"Hmm. Well, it's not exactly Holyroodhouse, is it? Still, it is fairly clean. Yes, I think it will be quite suitable. It just needs a womanly touch here and there. Well, first things first," she said, putting her carpetbag on an empty table. He looked inside – it was empty.

"I always say the place to hang a hat is on a hat stand," she told him, pulling a hat stand out of her bag and placing it by the doorway. His eyebrows inched upward in shock at its sudden appearance. He looked in the bag again – it was still empty.

"Ah! This will never do!" she exclaimed, looking at the small mirror by the dresser. "I much prefer seeing all of my face at the same time," she said, pulling a large mirror out of her bag, waving her wand and attaching it firmly on the wall in place of the smaller one. He looked at her in shock.

"There – but there was nothing in it!" Albus said confusedly, looking at her.

"You of all people should know, Albus, never judge things by their appearance. Even carpetbags. I'm quite sure that I never do."

The next item she extracted from her carpetbag was a simple golden perch. "For you, Fawkes," she told the phoenix, and he flew to it, trilling happily.

"We'd better keep an eye on this one, Fawkes," Albus murmured to him. "She's tricky."

"She's wonderful," Fawkes replied, a bit vehemently.

Their attention was drawn back to the woman as she declared, looking around the room, "Much better!"

Rummaging around in her bag, she murmured, "Now, let me see. That's funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here somewhere…"

"What?" Albus asked rather rudely.

"My tape measure," she told him patiently.

"What do you want it for?" he persisted.

"I want to see how you measure up," she said, still rummaging about in her bag. "Well, that's the funniest thing I ever saw. I know it's down here somewhere. Ah, ha-ha, ha-ha: here it is. Good. Come along, then," she told Albus, walking over to the doorway. "Quickly. Head up, Albus, and don't slouch," she said as she measured him. "Aha, just as I thought. 'Sloppy, with an extremely large sweet tooth.'"

"That's not true!" Albus protested as Fawkes chuckled.

"See for yourself," she said, showing him the measuring tape.

_Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore_

_Sloppy, with an Extremely Large sweet tooth_

"How about you?" he asked her, rather put out that a silly tape measure could read him so accurately.

"Very well," she said, handing him one end of the tape measure. "Hold this for me please."

She looked at the measurement. "Aha, just as I suspected. 'Minerva McGonagall, practically perfect in every way.'"

"Minerva McGonagall! Is that your name? It's lovely," Albus told her.

"Thank you, I've always liked it," she told him, blushing slightly. "Now, shall we get on with it?"

"Get on with what?" Albus asked her confusedly.

"In your advertisement, did you not specifically request to play games?" she asked him, hands on her hips.

"Oh, yes!" Albus exclaimed.

"Very well, then. Our first game is called 'well begun is half done.'"

Albus frowned. "I don't like the sound of that game."

"Otherwise entitled," Minerva continued, "'Let's tidy up our quarters.'"

"I told you she was tricky," Albus whispered to Fawkes.

"Ahem," Minerva said, looking at Albus. He blushed. "Shall we begin?"

"It is a game, isn't it, Minerva?" he asked her.

"Well, it depends on your point of view. You see," Albus was startled as she broke into song.

"In ev'ry job that must be done

There is an element of fun

you find the fun and snap!

The job's a game

And ev'ry task you undertake

Becomes a piece of cake

A lark! A spree!

It's very clear to see

That a...

Sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

The potion go down-own

The potion go down

Just a sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

In a most delightful way

A phoenix feathering his nest

Has very little time to rest

While gathering his

Bits of twine and twig

Though quite intent in his pursuit

He has a merry tune to toot

He knows a song

Will move the job along

For a...

Sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

The potion go down-own

The potion go down

Just a sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

In a most delightful way

The honeybees that fetch the nectar

From the flowers to the comb

Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro

Because they take a little nip

From every flower that they sip

And hence," she sang, standing in front of the mirror.

"And hence," her reflection repeated.

"They find," Minerva sang.

"They find," her reflection repeated again.

"Their task is not a grind," Minerva and her reflection sang in harmony.

"Ah, ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah, ah ah ah ah!" her reflection sang. Minerva glared at it.

"Cheeky."

"For a...

Sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

The potion go down-own

The potion go down

Just a sherbet lemon helps the potion go down

In a most delightful way," Minerva finished.

During the song, Minerva and Albus had gone about the room and snapped their fingers, causing the items in disarray to put themselves back in their proper places.

When they had finished, Minerva turned to Albus. "Now, are you ready for our outing?" she asked him.

"I don't want an outing," he whinged, "I want to tidy up our rooms again.

"Enough is as good as a feast," she told him, glaring. "Come along, now."

She walked into their bedroom and rummaged about in her carpetbag again, extracting a sketchbook.

"Where are we going?" Albus asked.

Fawkes flew over and landed on Minerva's shoulder as she flipped through the pages. "Ooh, 'Punting on the Thames.' That's always good if you like an outing." She turned the page.

"The circus. How about a lovely circus?" Fawkes asked Albus. "Lions and tigers. World-famous artistes performing death-defying feats of dexterity and skill before your very eyes."

Albus walked over and looked at the pages as Minerva turned them. Suddenly, he placed his hand over hers, ignoring the tingle that shot through his body at their first skin-to-skin contact, and pointed at the picture.

"Oh, that's lovely. If we can, I'd much rather go there."

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Fawkes asked, as proud as if he had sketched the picture himself. "A typical English countryside, as done by a true and loving hand. Though you can't see it, there's a little country fair down that road and, uh, over the hill."

"Please may we go, Minerva? Please? It's such a lovely place – don't you think it's lovely, Minerva?" Albus questioned her.

"Now's the time, Minerva, no one is here to bother us," Fawkes told her.

"I have no intention of making a spectacle of myself, thank you," she told the phoenix and the man primly.

"All right, then, I'll do it myself," Fawkes said stubbornly.

"Do what?" she asked him.

"A bit of magic," he replied, to her great amusement. "It's easy!" he said defiantly. "Let's see. You think. You wink. You do a double blink. You close your eyes and… jump!" Fawkes jumped onto the picture. Nothing happened.

"Is something supposed to happen?" Albus asked Fawkes, laughing.

"Fawkes, what utter nonsense! Oh, why do you always complicate things that are really quite simple? Give me your hand, please, Albus. Grab on to my shoulder, please, Fawkes. All right? One, two, three!"


	3. Jolly Holiday

Chapter Three: Jolly Holiday

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Albus, Minerva, and Fawkes opened their eyes.

"Minerva, you look beautiful!" Albus exclaimed.

Minerva's emerald green robes had changed into a lovely tea-length white dress with a red bodice. Her plain black boots were changed into ankle-length white calfskin boots, and she was wearing a white hat and carrying a frilly white parasol.

"Do you really think so?" she asked, spinning around so he could see the entire outfit.

Albus nodded, and Fawkes chimed in, "Cross my heart you do. Like the day I met you." Minerva smiled and blushed, before turning to Albus and taking his proffered arm.

"You look fine, too, Albus," she told him, smiling up at him. His robes had changed into a pair of white trousers, a white shirt, and a red-and-white striped jacket. He was wearing white shoes as well, though a purple bowtie, purple socks, and a purple handkerchief offset the white.

They began wandering down the road, and Albus began to sing.

"Ain't it a glorious day?

Right as a morning in May

I feel like I could fly!" Albus placed his hands on a fencepost and spun around, levitating himself in the air. Minerva giggled.

"Now, Albus, none of your larking about!"

He grinned at her, then continued singing.

"Have you ever seen,

The grass so green?

Or a bluer sky?"

Fawkes chimed in, too. "Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Minnie,

Minnie makes your heart so light!"

"You haven't changed a bit, have you, Fawkes?" Minerva asked, smiling.

Albus and Fawkes continued. "When the day is gray and ordinary,

Minnie makes the sun shine bright!"

"Oh, honestly!" she interjected.

"Oh, happiness is blooming all around her,

The daffodils are smiling at the dove!

When Minnie holds your hand, you feel so grand,

Your heart starts beating like a big brass band!"

"You are light-headed!" she said in mock disapproval.

"Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Minnie,

No wonder that it's Minnie that I love!" Albus sang.

Fawkes rejoined Albus in singing as they passed under a grove of trees.

"Oh, it's a jolly holiday with Minnie,

Minnie makes your heart so light!

When the day is gray and ordinary,

Minnie makes the sun shine bright!

Oh, happiness is blooming all around her,

The daffodils are smiling at the dove!

When Minnie holds your hand, you feel so grand,

Your heart starts beating like a big brass band!"

They reached a stream and Minerva and Albus grabbed onto Fawkes's tail, and he flew them across.

"It's a jolly holiday with Minnie,

No wonder that it's Minnie that I love!" Albus finished as they reached the other side of the stream.

"Thank you," Minerva told Fawkes graciously, inclining her head.

"My pleasure, Minerva," he responded.

Looking at Albus, Minerva then broke out into song.

"Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Al,

Gentlemen like you are few,"

"A vanishing breed, that's me," Albus interjected.

"Though you're just a diamond in the rough, Bert,

Underneath your blood is blue!"

"Common knowledge," Albus added.

"You'd never think of pressing your advantage,

Forbearance is the hallmark of your creed," Minerva sang.

"True!" agreed Albus.

"A lady needn't fear

When you are near,

Your sweet gentility is crystal clear,

Oh, it's a jolly holiday with you, Al,

A jolly, jolly holiday with you!" she finished. They had arrived at a small café, and Albus pulled out a chair for her. She sat down gracefully, and he pulled out his own chair before looking around.

"Waiter! Waiter!" he cried. A penguin rushed up to their table and handed them each a menu.

"Now then, what would be nice?" Minerva pondered.

"We'll start with some lemony ice,

And then some cakes and tea," she sang.

"Order what you will,

There'll be no bill

It's complimentary!" the waiter told her.

"You're very kind," Minerva said to the penguin. He blushed.

"Anything for you, Minerva. You are our favourite person!"

"Right you are!" chimed Fawkes, and he and the penguin sang,

"It's true that Molly and Sybill have ways that are winning  
And Poppy and Pomona set your heart spinning  
Serena's delightful, Rita's disarming  
Alecto, Rosemerta, Bellatrix - charming  
Hestia's dashing, Emmeline's sweet  
Nymphadora is smashing, Bathsheba a treat  
Arabella, Millicent, Alice, Marlene  
Convivial company, time and again  
Dorcas and Irma and Dilys are sorts  
I'll agree are three jolly good sports  
But cream of the crop, tip of the top  
It's Minnie McGonagall, and there we stop!"

Then Albus joined in, "When Minnie holds your hand,

You feel so grand,

Your heart starts beating like a big brass band.

It's a jolly holiday with Minnie,

No wonder that it's Minnie that we love!

No wonder that it's Minnie that we love!

No wonder that it's Minnie that we love!"

As they finished the song, music began playing nearby. Minerva, Albus, and Fawkes went over to investigate.

"Our own private merry-go-round!" Albus exclaimed. They each chose a horse, and Fawkes settled down as though he would drift off to sleep.

"Very nice. Very nice, indeed, it you don't want to go anywhere," he mumbled, tucking his head under his wing.

Minerva smiled, looking as though she had something up her sleeve. "Who says we're not going anywhere? Oh, guard!" she called out, and a window leading to the centre of the merry-go-round opened.

"Right-o, Minerva," the guard winked and pulled a lever, causing the horses to detach themselves from the merry-go-round and move along the road.

"Thank you!" she called, waving back at him from over her shoulder. He smiled and pulled out a bullhorn, beginning to comment on the race.

"They're off! It's Minerva McGonagall leading by two lengths. Fawkes is second by a length, Albus third."

Albus urged his horse onwards, soon outstripping Fawkes and gaining on Minerva. As he passed her, she grabbed hold of his reins and scolded him. "Really, Albus. You're as bad as a child!"

"Sorry. Just a bit of high spirits, Minerva," he replied sheepishly.

"Well, please control yourself. We are not on a racecourse," she replied sternly as they rode into a hunting party. Minerva's horse gingerly picked its way between the hunters. "Good morning," she said to them.

"Oh, yes, quite," an absent-minded hunter said, before realising that she wasn't on the hunting expedition. "What – I say. Have you ever?" he asked his horse.

"Neeeh-ver!" it neighed in response. The hunter suddenly sat up straight and pulled out his field glasses.

"View halloo!" he called. The horse squinted in the direction of the fox.

"Oh, yes, definitely. A view halloo," the horse nodded sagely.

The fox, sitting on the hill, perked its ears up at the hunter's cry. "View halloo?" it asked, confused. The sound of the hunter's horn informed the fox of the meaning of "view halloo."

"Faith and begorra! 'Tis them redcoats again!" it cried, before running as fast as it could away from the hunting party. The hounds were on its tail, braying "view halloo!" As Albus, Minerva, and Fawkes passed him, Albus scooped him up.

"Poor little bloke, let's give him a hand," he said to Minerva. She nodded encouragingly.

"Saints preserve us! Yikes!" the fox cried as Albus Summoned it. When the fox settled himself in Albus's lap, he looked around.

"Would you look at that now? 'Tis an elegant merry-go-round horse. Come on and fight, you dirty omadhauns!" the fox cried, shaking his paw at the braying hounds. "I can lick the lot of you." The fox turned back towards the horse and patted it encouragingly on the neck. "Faster, me beauty! Faster!"

They had leapt a fence and entered a racetrack, leaving the hounds behind them. A race was in progress, but Minerva paid them no mind. As her merry-go-round horse approached the two horses in the lead, she called out to them.

"Oh, riders, would you be so kind as to let me pass?"

They tipped their hats and responded, "Certainly, ma'am."

"Thank you!" she called as she passed them.

"Not at all, ma'am," the riders responded.

As Minerva crossed the finish line, a spectator pressed down on his stopwatch.

"Excellent time, gentlemen," he told his companions.

"Oh, yes, quite – perfect day for it, of course," one of his companions responded.

At the finish line, Minerva was given a large bouquet of flowers, and her merry-go-round horse was draped in a blanket of blossoms.

"Oh. Oh, how nice," she said gratefully. The crowd cheered as she waved to them.

A gaggle of reporters and photographers approached her.

"Hold still now," the photographer told her. "Watch for the dickie bird."

A large flash and a popping sound signalled the successful shot.

"Uh, how does it feel, Minerva, winning the race?" a reporter asked her.

"Oh, well I –" she was cut off by another reporter.

"—gaining fame and fortune."

"Uh, yes," Minerva responded.

A third reporter jumped in. "Having your picture taken for the newspaper."

"Uh, oh, actually, I'm delighted," she replied.

"Besides having your extreme good looks, if I may say so," a fourth reporter added.

"Oh, well," Minerva began modestly, "I wouldn't go –"

The third reporter interrupted her again. "There probably aren't words to describe your emotions," he said.

She held up a hand to cut them off. "Now, now, now, now, gentlemen, please. On the contrary, there's a very good word. Am I right, Fawkes?" she asked the phoenix.

"Tell 'em what it is!" Fawkes exclaimed, ruffling his feathers in excitement.

"Right! It's…

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious,

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

A musical group that had been lurking in the back of the crowd joined in.

"Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay,"

Fawkes took up the song.

"Because he was afraid to speak when he was just a lad,

His father gave his nose a tweak and told him he was bad

But then today he learned a word to save his crooked nose,"

Minerva joined Fawkes in singing.

"The biggest word you ever heard, and this is how it goes,

Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious,

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay,"

The musical group took up the chorus.

"Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay,"

And then Minerva took over.

"He's travelled all around the world and everywhere he went,

He should've used this word and all would've said, 'there goes a clever gent,'"

Fawkes jumped in.

"When dukes and maharajahs passed the time of day with thee,

You should've said this word and then they'd ask you out to tea!"

Minerva and Fawkes sang the chorus.

"Ooh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious,

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay."

Minerva said thoughtfully over the music, "You know, you can say it backwards, which is Dociousaliexpiisticfragilcalirupus, but that's going a bit too far, don't you think?"

"Indubitably," Fawkes replied.

Minerva picked up the tune again.

"So, when this tabby's got your tongue, there's no need to dismay,

Just summon up this word and then you've got a lot to say.

But better use it carefully, or it could change your life…"

The drummer of the musical group interrupted.

"For example…"

"Yes?" Minerva replied.

"One night I said it to me girl, and now me girl's me wife." His wife hit him on the head with her tambourine. "Ow! And a lovely thing she is too," he said, and his wife batted her eyes at him.

She's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious

If you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious,

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

Suddenly an owl flew into the picture with a letter for Albus tied on its leg.

"All right, time to go, I suppose," Albus said sadly.

"Unfortunately, yes," Minerva replied. "Stay close now…" They popped back out of the picture, and Albus went off to respond to the owl.


	4. Stay Awake

Chapter Four: Stay Awake

* * *

DISCLAIMER: Still don't own HP or Mary Poppins.

A/N: Thank you to all of my reviewers, and I apologise for the long wait - especially as this is quite a short chapter. But I was in Egypt and Jordan for 2 1/2 weeks, without much access to a computer OR a copy of Mary Poppins. This chapter does lead in to a much longer one, though! And the next chapter should be up soon!

* * *

After Albus finished the work that had accumulated during their outing, he returned to their rooms and was greeted by Minerva wearing an emerald silk quilted dressing gown, sitting on their bed, reading a book. Fawkes was perched on her shoulder. She looked up as he walked in and opened his wardrobe, taking out his nightshirt and his own dressing gown. He went into the bathroom to change, and when he emerged, she was no longer reading her book, but had a bottle of potion, two spoons, and a small cup out.

"Time for your medicine," she said to Fawkes and Albus.

Albus groaned. "No, I don't want to take any nasty potions, Minerva! I'm a grown man – I can take care of myself!"

"Do we have to, Minerva," Fawkes asked.

"People who overwork themselves must learn to take their potions," she replied.

"I don't want it. I'm not going to –" Albus began as Minerva poured a bit into the small cup for Fawkes. It was a bright green colour.

"Oh! Lime cordial! Delicious!" he exclaimed as he gulped it down. Minerva handed Albus a spoon and poured some into it for him. It was yellow.

"Sherbet lemons! Mmm!" he exclaimed as he swallowed the potion. Minerva poured a final spoonful for herself. It was dark red.

"R-r-rum punch," she said, and hiccupped. "Quite satisfactory." She turned down the covers and climbed between the sheets, Albus joining her.

"Minerva, you won't ever leave us, will you?" Albus asked her. She avoided the question by taking off her glasses and letting down her hair.

"Will you stay if I promise to be good?" Fawkes asked.

"Och! That's a piecrust promise – easily made, easily broken," she told him.

"But what would we do without you?" Albus asked.

"I shall stay until the wind changes," she told him.

"But Minerva, how long with that be?" Albus asked.

"Quiet, please, Albus," she said. "It's time to go to sleep."

"Oh, but I couldn't possibly go to sleep! So many lovely things happened today!" Albus exclaimed.

"Did they?" Minerva asked coolly.

"Yes! When we jumped into the picture in your sketchbook! And we rode the merry-go-round, and all the horses jumped off, and we all went riding in the countryside! Tally ho! Tchunga! Tchunga! Yikes!"

"Really?" Minerva asked him.

"Minerva, don't you remember? You won the horserace!" Albus questioned her.

"A respectable person like me in a horserace? How dare you suggest such a thing."

"But I saw you do it!" Albus exclaimed, confused.

"Now, not another word or I shall have to summon an Auror. Is that clear?" she told him sternly.

"It did happen! I saw it!" he exclaimed.

"Go to sleep," said Minerva.

"No, I don't want to go to sleep – I'm much too excited!" Albus said stubbornly.

"Very well," Minerva told him. "Suit yourself." Fawkes began to hum a melody, and Minerva began to sing softly.

"Stay awake, don't rest your head,

Don't lie down upon your bed.

While the moon drifts in the skies,

Stay awake, don't close your eyes."

Albus began to yawn, and his eyes began to flutter closed.

"Though the world is fast asleep,

Though your pillow's soft and deep,

You're not sleepy as you seem.

Stay awake, don't nod and dream.

Stay awake, don't nod and dream..."

Albus had fallen asleep, and so had Fawkes. Minerva smiled tenderly at both of them, and gently removed Albus's glasses from his nose, giving him a light kiss on the cheek before she turned over and fell asleep as well.


	5. We Love to Laugh

Chapter Five: We Love to Laugh

* * *

"Lovely, lovely morning, Bloomie," Albus said to his house-elf.

"Indeed it is, Master Albus," Bloomie replied cheerfully.

"Have you put the sherbet lemons on my desk?" Albus asked her.

"Yes, Master Albus," she said.

"Good. You know that I can't work without my sherbet lemons!" The office door opened and Aberforth entered. "You look very nice today, Aberforth," Albus said, despite the fact that he looked much like he normally did. Fawkes could be heard singing from Albus's private quarters.

"What is all that fearful caterwauling coming from your chambers, Albus?" his brother asked him grumpily.

"Oh, that's just Fawkes singing," Albus said.

"Fawkes singing? What's wrong with him?" Aberforth asked.

"He's as happy as a cricket. As a matter of fact, since Minerva came, the most extraordinary thing seems to have come over the household," Dilys Derwent chimed in.

"Is that so?" Aberforth inquired.

"Take Phineas for instance. He hasn't insulted anyone all morning," Dilys said.

"Really?" Aberforth said disbelievingly. "Well, that is extraordinary."

"And another thing," Dilys said. "Bloomie and Fawkes usually fight like cats and dogs, but today –"

"Let me brush your feathers for you, Fawkes, dear," Bloomie said.

"Thanks ever so, Bloomie," Fawkes said. Fawkes began to trill happily.

"Fawkes, stop making that offensive noise! And shut the door! That phoenix is giving me a headache!" Aberforth yelled.

"Yes, sir." Bloomie said. "Quiet! You're giving Aberforth a headache!" She shut the door.

"I'm so sorry you're not feeling well this morning, Aberforth," Dilys said.

"Who said that I'm not feeling well? I'm fit as a fiddle. I just don't understand why everyone's so confoundedly cheerful!" he snapped.

Albus came down the stairs, singing, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Dilys, Armando, and Fawkes joined in, singing "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Aberforth yelled.

"Oh, good morning, Aberforth!" Albus said.

"Good morning," Aberforth replied.

"Minerva and Fawkes taught me the most wonderful word: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

"What on earth are you talking about, Albus? Supercali—super—or whatever the infernal thing is," Aberforth said, annoyed.

"It's something to say when you don't know what to say," Fawkes said.

"Yes, well, I always know what to say. Don't you have something to do, Albus?"

"Yes, Aberforth," Albus sighed good-naturedly. He went back up to his rooms, singing, "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!"

"Phineas, will you be good enough to explain this unseemly hullabaloo?" Aberforth demanded.

"I don't think that there's anything to explain, do you? It's obvious that you're out of sorts this morning. Albus just came down to make you feel better," Phineas said.

"I should like to make one thing quite clear, once and for all. I am not out of sorts. I am in a perfectly equable mood. I don't require being made to feel better!" Aberforth snapped.

"But you're always saying that you wanted Albus to have a cheerful and pleasant home!" Dilys exclaimed.

"Dilys, I should like to make a slight differentiation between the word 'cheerful' and just plain giddy irresponsibility," Aberforth said. "I have no objection to anyone being cheerful or pleasant. But I do expect a certain decorum. I can tell you one thing, Winifred. I don't propose standing idly by and letting that woman, Minerva McGonagall, undermine the discipline and – there's something odd, I may say extremely odd, about the behaviour of this school since that woman arrived. And I want you to know that I've noticed it!"

"Yes, Aberforth," Fawkes sighed.

* * *

Albus and Minerva were strolling down the main street of Hogsmeade, Minerva reading a list of errands off a scroll of parchment.

"Now, let me see. First of all, we must go to Scrivenshaft's to pick up some more ink. And then we go to Honeydukes for some sherbet lemons and ginger newts."

"Ah, sherbet lemons!" Albus exclaimed.

"Then we go to Madam Rosemerta's, I think, for a nice bottle of mead," Minerva said.

Suddenly, Fawkes appeared in a burst of flame.

"It's Fawkes!" Minerva cried out, surprised. He landed on her shoulder and began whispering in her ear.

"Uh, not so fast, please. I can't understand a word you are saying. Again? Och! Oh, the poor man!" Fawkes sneezed suddenly. "Bless you. Well, yes, of course. There's not a moment to lose. I'll go straightaway. And thank you very much." Fawkes flashed away in a burst of flame.

"What did he say?" Albus asked.

"He said, 'you're welcome.'" Minerva replied.

"What else did he say?" Albus asked. Minerva ignored him, and started walking down a side street.

"I thought that we were going to buy some sherbet lemons!" Albus exclaimed.

"There's been a change of plans. Come along, please. Don't straggle." They arrived at a stately house, and were greeted by Fawkes hovering at the door.

"Fawkes, I'm so glad that you're here," Minerva said.

"I came over the moment I heard," Fawkes said.

"Well, how is he?" Minerva asked.

"I've never seen him as bad as this, and that's the truth," Fawkes told her.

"Oh, no!" Minerva exclaimed.

"How about Albus?" Fawkes asked. "It's contagious, you know."

Albus looked worried. "Shall I get spots?"

"Oh, highly unlikely," Minerva reassured him. They walked into the parlour of the house, and saw Nicolas Flamel floating in mid-air.

"Oh, Uncle Nicolas!" Minerva cried out.

Nicolas Flamel peered down at her through his glasses. "Oh, bless me! Bless my soul! It's Minerva McGonagall! I'm delight—I'm delighted to see you, Minerva."

She ignored his greeting and looked up at him sternly. "Uncle Nicolas, you promised!"

"Oh, I kn—I know, I—but I tried. Really, I did, my dear. I—but I so enjoy laughing, you know? And, well—and when I start, it's all up with the—that's what happens to me. I love to laugh! Oh, my goodness! I can't help it! You can see that. I just like laughing, that's all," he told her, randomly breaking out into bursts of laughter as he explained his predicament. Albus began laughing as his old friend floated across the ceiling.

"Albus, don't you dare! You'll only make him worse! It's really quite serious!" Minerva scolded him.

"Yes, whatever you do, keep a straight face. Last time, it took us three days to get him down," Fawkes told Albus.

Nicolas began to sing, "I love to laugh  
Loud and long and clear  
I love to laugh  
It's getting worse every year.

The more I laugh  
The more I fill with glee,"

Fawkes began laughing, and Minerva looked at him sternly. "You're no help at all."

Nicolas began to sing again. "And the more the glee  
The more I'm a merrier me!  
It's embarrassing!  
The more I'm a merrier me!"

Minerva interrupted him. "Some people laugh through their noses  
Sounding something like this 'Mmm...'  
Some people laugh through their teeth goodness sake  
Hissing and fizzing like snakes – not at all attractive to my way of thinking."

Fawkes joined the song. "Some laugh too fast,  
Some only blast - ha!  
Others, they twitter like birds."

Minerva looked at Fawkes. "You know, you're as bad as he is."

Fawkes ignored her, rejoining the song.

"Then there's the kind  
What can't make up their mind:

Heeheehee-hohoho-hahaha-huh!"

Nicolas picked up the song again. "When things strike me as funny  
I can't hide it inside  
And squeak - as the squeakelers do.  
I've got to let go with a ho-ho-ho...  
And a ha-ha-ha...too!

Fawkes floated up to the ceiling to join Nicolas.

"How nice!" Nicolas said. "I was hoping that you'd turn up!"

"Turn up!" Fawkes laughed.

"We always have such a jolly time," Nicolas said.

Fawkes and Nicolas began to sing again. "We love to laugh,  
Loud and long and clear  
We love to laugh  
So everybody can hear!

The more you laugh,"

Albus began to float up to the ceiling, and Minerva grabbed his leg to pull him back to the ground. "Whoops, don't you start too! Come back down here."

Fawkes and Nicolas began singing again. "The more you fill with glee,  
And the more the glee,  
The more we're a merrier we!" Albus began laughing incredibly hard and floated up to join Nicolas.

"Oh, welcome, Albus! Welcome! Make yourself comfortable!" Nicolas said.

"That's right. Pull up a chair," Fawkes said.

"Oh, pull up –" Nicolas laughed.

Minerva looked up at them from the ground. "I must say, you are a sight, the lot of you!" she scolded them.

"Speaking of sight, it reminds me of me brother. He's got a nice cushy job in a watch factory," Albus said.

"In a watch factory? What does he do?" Nicolas asked.

"He stands about all day and makes faces!" Albus laughed.

"He makes faces in a watch fact—you made that up!" Nicolas said.

"I know!" Albus replied.

"That's so good!" Nicolas laughed.

Minerva shook her head. "Such behaviour! Well, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever see, or my name isn't Minerva McGonagall!"

"Speaking of names," Fawkes began. "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

"What's the name of his other leg?" Nicolas asked, and he began laughing. "Wasn't that funny? What's the name of his other—"

Minerva interrupted him. "Now, then, Albus, it's time for tea. I will not have my schedule interrupted."

"Oh, please stay. Look, I have a splendid tea all ready for you!" Nicolas said, indicating the beautifully laid table in the middle of the room.

"And it's getting cold!" Minerva exclaimed.

"Well, I had hoped that maybe, that you would just, that –" Minerva levitated the table. "Splendid! That you very much! Keep your feet back. Mind the bread and butter. Now, watch it, Albus," Nicolas cautioned. Minerva gracefully floated up after the table.

"I knew she could bring it off," Fawkes boasted proudly. "And a proper tea it is, too."

"Next thing, I suppose, you'll be wanting me to pour out." Fawkes, Albus, and Nicolas looked at her pointedly. "Oh, well. If I must, I must. If you'll just stop behaving like a pack of laughing hyenas! Two lumps, Uncle Nicolas?"

"Yes, please," Nicolas told her.

"Uh, Albus?" she asked.

"Uh, yes, please. Four lumps for me," he replied.

"I'm so glad that you came, Minerva," Fawkes told her. "It wouldn't be any fun without you."

Albus cleared his throat. "Nice weather we're having this time of year, don't you think?"

"Oh, yes. Uh, speaking of weather, the other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to buy some long underwear, you know. The shopkeeper said to him, 'How long do you want it?' and my friend said, 'Well, from about September to March.'"

Everyone broke out laughing except Minerva. Albus began somersaulting in mid-air.

"Albus! Control yourself! Will you please sit up properly at the table? Your tea, Uncle Nicolas," she finished, handing her uncle his tea.

"Oh, thank you, my dear. I'm having such a good time. I wish that you could all stay up here all the time," Nicolas said.

"We'll jolly well have to. There's no way to get down!" Albus exclaimed.

Nicolas shook his head. "Oh, no, there is a way. Frankly I, I don't like to mention it, because you have to think of something sad."

"Then do get on with it, please!" Minerva exclaimed.

"Let me see," Nicolas began. "I've got the very thing. Yesterday, when the lady next door answered the bell, there was a man there. And the man said to the lady, 'I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat.'"

Albus and Fawkes began to sink slowly.

"Oh, that's sad," Albus said.

"The poor cat," Fawkes added.

Nicolas continued, "And then the man said, 'I'd like to replace your cat,' and the lady said, 'That's all right with me, but how are you at catching mice?'" Albus, Fawkes, and Nicolas roared with laughter. Minerva looked at Nicolas sternly.

"Well, you know, I started out sad. I, I try, really I do. But, but everything ends up so hilarious, I can't—I can't help—" Nicolas broke out laughing again.

"That will be quite enough of that!" Minerva scolded them. "It's time to go home." Everyone began to sink down to the floor.

"Oh, that is sad," Fawkes said.

"Oh, no!" Albus exclaimed.

"Oh, that's said," Nicolas said, his laughter gone. "That's the saddest thing I ever heard."

"Come along, Albus. Spit spot!" Minerva said.

"Must you really go?" Nicolas asked sadly. "You know, people come to see me all the time, you know. And, and we have such a lovely time, and then they have to go home. And, and I'm very, very sad about the whole thing."

"Don't worry. We'll come back soon. We had a lovely time!" Albus consoled his old friend.

"Uh, keep an eye on Uncle Nicolas, will you, Fawkes? Just until Perenelle returns."

"I'll sit with him a while," Fawkes agreed.

"Thank you. Come on," Minerva said, and she and Albus left the house, headed back to Hogwarts.

* * *

Fawkes and Nicolas were sitting despondently in Nicolas's empty parlour.

"You know, Nicolas, I have a jolly joke I saved for just such an occasion. Would you like to hear it?" Fawkes asked Nicolas.

"I'd be so grateful," Nicolas blubbered.

"Righto. Well, it's about me granddad, see? And one night, he had a nightmare, he did. So scared that he chewed his pillow to bits. Yes, to bits."

"Yes," Nicolas said, urging him on.

"Next morning I say, 'How do you feel, granddad?'"

"Yes," Nicolas prompted Fawkes to continue.

"He says, 'Oh, not bad. A little down in the mouth!'" Fawkes starts laughing half-heartedly. "Yeah, I always say there's nothing like a good joke."

"No. And that was nothing like a good joke!" Nicolas sobbed.


	6. A Wizard School

Chapter Six: A Wizard School

* * *

"Bit late tonight, aren't you, Aberforth?" Binnacle, the gargoyle, said as Aberforth gave the password and stormed up to his brother's office. "Aberforth? I say, Aberforth! Is anything the matter, Aberforth? Aberforth?" Binnacle shouted as Aberforth walked up the stairs.

"Hello, Aberforth, I'm so glad that you're here!" Albus said as his brother entered the office. "Want to hear a joke?"

Fawkes interrupted him. "We had the most wonderful afternoon with Minerva."

Albus re-joined the conversation. "Speaking of afternoons, the joke goes like this. I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

"Smith? We don't know anyone called Smith," Aberforth said confusedly.

"And there was a second chap, and the second chap says, 'What's the name of his other leg?'"

Fawkes once more interrupted. "And we had a lovely tea party on the ceiling!"

"Please be quiet!" Aberforth snapped.

Fawkes ignored Aberforth. "Minerva says that if we're good, she'll take us there again."

Aberforth snorted. "Oh. Oh, Minerva said that, did she? Will you please give us a moment, Albus? Minerva, will you be kind enough to come with me for a moment?" he asked as she came down the stairs from Albus's private quarters.

"As you wish," Minerva said calmly. He led her into the sitting room.

"Minerva, I very much regret what I must say to you," Aberforth began. Bloomie popped into the sitting room, while Armando and Dilys snuck into one of the portraits in the sitting room.

"Good evening, Master Aberforth," she said. "Is anything the matter?" she continued, noting his expression.

"I'm afraid there is," Aberforth replied gravely.

"I, I'd love to stay, but I has to do Master Albus's laundry," Bloomie squeaked nervously.

"Bloomie, it is my wish that you be present," Aberforth snapped.

"Oh, yes, Master Aberforth, of course," Bloomie said resignedly.

"Minerva," Aberforth began again. "I must confess that I am extremely disappointed in you."

"She's in for it now. I've heard him do this speech before," Armando whispered to Dilys.

"I won't deny that I am partially responsible for allowing Albus to develop his eccentricity to the exclusion of all else! But it is high time that he proves to me that he can have a serious life!"

"But Aberforth, he's allowed his eccentricities! He's the Headmaster of Hogwarts, and has a lot of responsibility," Bloomie cried defensively.

"Precisely! He has a lot of responsibility! And in the light of all that has happened—" Aberforth said.

Bloomie cut him off. "Master Aberforth, is you certain you knows what you is doing?"

Aberforth glared at her. "I believe I do, Bloomie.

A Wizard school is run with precision  
A Wizard home requires nothing less!  
Tradition, discipline, and rules must be the tools  
Without them - disorder! Chaos!  
Moral disintegration!  
In short, we have a ghastly mess!"

"I quite agree," Minerva broke in.

Aberforth began again. "My brother must be moulded, shaped and taught  
That life's a looming battle to be faced and fought –

In short, I am disturbed to hear my brother talking about popping in and out of sketchbook pictures, consorting with racehorse persons, fox hunting... yes, well I don't mind that quite so much. At any rate, it's traditional. But tea parties on the ceiling? I ask you. Having tea parties on the ceiling, and highly questionable outings of every other kind!

If he must go on outings  
These outings ought to be  
Fraught with purpose, yes and practicality!  
These silly words like superca...  
Superca... superca..."

Minerva cut in. "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

Aberforth looked at her in amazement. "Yes, well done, you said it!  
...And popping through pictures  
Have little use, fulfil no basic need!  
He's got to learn the honest truth  
Despite his lack of youth  
He must learn..."

Minerva joined in. "About the life he should lead!"

"Exactly!" Aberforth exclaimed.

Minerva began to sing. "He must feel the thrill of recording marking in the grading book  
A thousand marks neatly in a row  
When gazing at a chart that shows the average up  
His little cup of joy should overflow!"

"Precisely!" Aberforth cried.

"It's time he learned to fill his own footsteps," Minerva sang.

"His footsteps," Aberforth echoed.

"To tread his straight and narrow path with pride."

"With pride!"

"Tomorrow, just as you suggest,  
Pressed and dressed,  
Albus will be at your side!" Minerva finished.

"Splendid! You hit the nail right on the – at my side? Where are we going?" Aberforth asked confusedly.

"To the bank, to show you his responsible side, of course, exactly as you proposed."

"I proposed?" Aberforth asked.

"Of course. Now, if you'll excuse me, tomorrow's an important day for Albus. I shall make sure that he has a proper night's sleep. Good night." She exited the sitting room and walked upstairs to Albus's chambers. Aberforth sat on the couch and cradled his head in his hands.

"Bloomie, did I say that I was going with Albus to the bank?" he asked the house-elf.

"It certainly is sounding that way, Master Aberforth," Bloomie replied.

"Oh," said Aberforth faintly, before regaining confidence. "And why not? A capital idea! Just the medicine he needs for all this slipshod, sugary thinking he gets around here all day long. Quite right. Good idea. Quite right. Good idea. Quite right." Aberforth stood up from the sofa and exited the office.

* * *

"Minerva, I won't let you go!" Albus cried.

"Go? What on earth are you talking about?" Minerva asked.

"Didn't Aberforth tell you to go?" Fawkes chimed in.

"Go? Certainly not!" Minerva exclaimed, indignant.

"Oh, Minerva!" Albus cried, grabbing her in his arms and twirling around.

"Hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray, hurray—" Albus shouted, all while twirling Minerva around.

"I am also not a spinning top, so kindly stop spinning me about," she said sternly, though her twinkling eyes belied her anger.

"But?" Fawkes asked.

"Goats butt, birds fly, and men who are going on an outing with their brother must get a good night's sleep. Come along, please," she finished, walking into their bedroom.

"An outing with Aberforth?" Albus asked confusedly, following her.

"Yes," Minerva said.

"I don't believe it – we've never gone on an outing together before," Albus said. "We've never gone on an outing together before. However did you manage it?"

"Manage what?" Minerva asked innocently.

"You must've put the idea in his head somehow," Albus told her.

"What an impertinent thing to say! Me putting ideas into people's heads? Really!"

"Where are we going? And why?" he asked.

"You're taking Aberforth to Gringotts, to show him your responsible side."

"Oh, Fawkes, Diagon Alley! And I'll be able to visit Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Shoppe, and get some new candy, and show Aberforth all of my favourite sites!"

"Well, most things you'll be able to point out to him. But sometimes a person we love, through no fault of his own, can't see past the end of his nose."

"Past the end of his nose?" Albus asked.

"Yes. Sometimes a little thing can be quite important," Minerva told him, pulling a snow globe out of her carpetbag, showing it to Albus.

"Oh, look! It's Gringotts!" Albus exclaimed.

"I'm sure that Aberforth can see that," Fawkes said. Minerva shook the snow globe and began to sing.

"Early each day to the steps of Gringotts,  
The little old bird woman comes.  
In her own special way to the people she calls,  
'Come, buy my bags full of crumbs.

Come feed the little birds, show them you care,  
And you'll be glad if you do.  
Their young ones are hungry,  
Their nests are so bare,  
All it takes is a Knut from you.

Feed the birds, a Knut a bag,  
Knut, Knut, Knut a bag.'  
'Feed the birds!' that's what she cries,  
While overhead, her birds fill the skies.

All around Gringotts,  
The statues and carvings  
Look down as she sells her wares.  
Although you can't see it,  
You know they are smiling,  
Each time someone shows that he cares.

Though her words are simple and few,  
Listen, listen, she's calling to you.  
'Feed the birds, Knut a bag!  
Knut, Knut, Knut a bag!'

Though her words are simple and few,  
Listen, listen, she's calling to you.  
'Feed the birds, Knut a bag!  
Knut, Knut, Knut a bag!'"

After Minerva finished her song, she placed the snow globe on the nightstand along with her glasses. She and Albus climbed beneath the covers, a wave of Minerva's wand turned off the lights, and they drifted off to sleep.


	7. The Gringotts GoblinRun Bank

Chapter Seven: The Gringotts Goblin-Run Bank

* * *

Albus, Aberforth, and Fawkes made their way down Diagon Alley, Albus looking quite distinguished and serious for once.

"Now remember that a bank is a quiet and decorous place, so we must be on our best behaviour," Albus said to Fawkes and Aberforth.

"But I thought that it was your bank," Aberforth said.

"Yes, well, I'm on the Board of Trustees," Albus said. "It's not really my bank."

As they walked up the steps, they spotted the bird woman.

"Albus, look! It's her!" Fawkes exclaimed.

"Who? It's who?" Aberforth asked, looking around.

"The bird woman. Just where Minerva said she would be. You do see her, don't you, Aberforth?" Albus asked his brother.

"Well, of course I can see her. Do you think that I can't see past the end of my nose?" Aberforth replied grumpily.

"Listen, Aberforth, she's saying it!" Fawkes exclaimed, and they could hear the bird woman saying "feed the birds. Knut a bag."

"Well, of course she's saying it. What else would she be saying?" Aberforth remarked.

"Please, may we feed the birds?" Fawkes asked Albus. Before Albus could reply, Aberforth cut in.

"Whatever for?"

"Albus owes me a Knut," Fawkes remarked. "Just this once, please?"

"Waste your money on a lot of ragamuffin birds? Certainly not," Aberforth said.

"But Minerva said..." Albus began.

"I am not interested in what Minerva says, nor do I wish to keep hearing her name for the remainder of the day. Now come along!" Aberforth snapped.

"But it's my Knut!" Fawkes protested.

"Fawkes, I will not permit you to throw Albus's money away! When we get to the bank, I'm sure that Albus will show us what may be done with our Knuts. And I think that we'll both find 

it extremely interesting." Aberforth continued. "Let's go." They climbed the rest of the steps and entered the building and were greeted by a goblin.

"Hello, Dumbledore," the goblin said. "What's all this about?"

"This is my brother and my familiar, Mr. Ragnok," Albus replied.

"Well, so I assumed. But why are they here?" Ragnok asked.

"They wish to open an account, sir," Albus answered.

"Oh, indeed?" Ragnok questioned, looking up at them.

"Yes," Albus replied firmly.

"And just how much money do you have, young phoenix?" Ragnok asked Fawkes.

"A Knut, but I want it to feed the birds," Fawkes replied petulantly.

"Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh," Aberforth hissed at Fawkes as an old goblin stumbled down the steps towards them.

"A Knut? A Knut? Precisely how I started," the old goblin wheezed.

"That's the chairman of the bank, the elder Mr. Ragnok. A giant in the world of finance," Albus whispered.

"A giant?" Fawkes asked loudly.

"Shh, shh, shh!" Aberforth hissed again, glaring at his brother's familiar.

"Uh, Father, this is Dumbledore's brother and familiar. They want to open an account," the younger Ragnok anxiously told his father.

"Oh, they do, do they, boy? Excellent. Excellent. We can al-always use, al-always use more money to, to put to work for the bank, can't we, boy?" the elder Ragnok asked his son. He turned to Fawkes. "So, you have a Knut? May I be permitted to see it?"

"No. I want it to feed the birds!" Fawkes cried.

"Fiddlesticks, phoenix! Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds!"

Fawkes squawked indignantly, but the elder Ragnok ignored him and began to sing.

"But if you invest your Knuts  
Wisely in the bank,  
Safe and sound;  
Soon that Knut safely invested in the bank  
Will compound!

And you'll achieve that sense of conquest  
As your affluence expands,  
In the hands of the directors  
Who invest as propriety demands."

"May I, sir?" Aberforth asked.

"Carry on, Dumbledore," the elder Ragnok said.

"You see, Fawkes, you'll be part of..." Aberforth began,

"Railways through Africa,  
Dams across the Nile;"

"The carpets, tell him about the carpets!" the old goblin cut in.

"Fleets of flying carpets,"

"More, tell them more!" Ragnok senior interrupted again.

"Majestic, self-amortising brooms;"

"Oh, it fires the imagination!" said the old goblin with a sigh.

"Plantations of ripening... tea;  
All from Knuts,  
Prudently, thriftily, frugally,  
Invested in the..."

"To be specific," added Ragnok senior,

"In the Diagon Alley, London, England branch of  
The Gringotts Goblin-run bank!"

"Very well, my dear phoenix, give me the money," Ragnok senior told Fawkes.

"No, I won't! I want it to feed the birds!" Fawkes protested.

"Dumbledore!" the old goblin shouted.

"Yes, sir," Aberforth replied. "Now Fawkes,"

"When you deposit Knuts in a bank account,"

"Go on," encouraged the elder Ragnok.

"Soon you'll see,"

"Tell him more!" the old goblin demanded.

"That it blooms into credit of a generous amount, semi-annually!  
And you'll achieve that sense of stature,  
As your influence expands,  
To the high financial strata,  
That established credit now commands."

By this time, all of the goblins on the Board had joined the group, and were encouraging Fawkes to give up his money.

"You can purchase purebred, prize-winning goats – think of the variety! Goats! Horses! Donkeys! Cows! Barn equipment! Gourmet goat food! Opportunities! All manner of private breeding tools! Everything imaginable! Clothing! Furniture! House-elves! Entertainment! Toys!" finished Aberforth.

"While stand the banks of the Wizarding world, the Wizarding world stands. Oh, oh, oh, oh! When fall the banks of the Wizarding world, the Wizarding world falls!" said Ragnok senior.

"You see, Fawkes? All for the lack of...

Knuts, patiently, cautiously, trustingly invested in the,  
To be specific,  
In the Diagon Alley, London, England branch of  
the Gringotts Goblin-Run Bank!"

As they finished the song, old Ragnok snatched the shiny brass Knut from Fawkes's claws.

"Welcome to our joyful family of investors!" the old goblin told Fawkes.

"Give it back!" shrieked Fawkes. "Give me back my money!"

"Dumbledore!" shouted Ragnok senior as Fawkes flew at him.

"Give it to me!" Fawkes repeated, flying at the old goblin, trying to snatch the Knut back.

"Fawkes, behave!" Aberforth shouted.

Albus managed to snatch back the Knut.

"Albus! Albus! Give me back my money!" Fawkes screeched, and Albus motioned for him to run.

"Albus! Fawkes! Fawkes! Fawkes!" Aberforth shouted as Albus and Fawkes tried to evade the many goblins swarming them.

"Give me back my money!" said Fawkes once again.

"Fawkes!" shrieked Aberforth.

"There's something wrong. The bank won't give someone their money!" a customer waiting in line said.

"Well, I'm going to get mine!" another customer replied. "Come along, young man! I want every penny!"

"And mine, too!" a third person demanded.

"And give me mine, too!" a fourth said.

"Stop all payments! Stop all payments!" one of the goblin managers shouted.

"Give me my money!" Fawkes shouted for the last time as he finally managed to wrest his Knut from the tight grip of the old goblin. He and Albus then made a break for it.

"Albus! Fawkes! Come back here!" Aberforth shouted.

"Stop that man and that phoenix!" Ragnok senior demanded.

"Albus! Fawkes!" Aberforth yelled as Albus grabbed onto Fawkes's tail. They disappeared in a flash of fire.


	8. Chim Chim Cheree

Chapter Eight: Chim Chim Cheree

* * *

A/N: Sorry that this has taken me SO LONG to update – I was at a loss how to write this chapter and the next one. I hope you enjoy this one, and please review!

* * *

They Apparated into Knockturn Alley.

"Come with me, my dears," a scary old woman said, stepping closer to them. Albus and Fawkes began to run away.

"Here, here, half a mo'," Nicholas Flamel said, grabbing hold of Albus.

"Leave him alone! Leave Albus alone!" Fawkes cried, flapping his wings wildly.

"Easy, now," Nicholas said. "Your old friend isn't going to hurt you."

"Nicholas, it's you!" Albus cried.

"In the flesh, and at your service," Nicholas said, bowing slightly.

"You're filthy!" Fawkes exclaimed.

"Oh, perhaps a smudge or two. It so happens that today I felt like being a chimney sweep," Nicholas explained.

"Oh, Nicholas, we're so frightened," Fawkes said.

"Now, not, don't take on son. Nicholas'll take care of you like I was your own brother. Now, who's after you?" Nicholas asked.

"Aberforth is," Fawkes replied.

"What?" Nicholas asked.

"He made us bring him to see the bank," Albus explained.

"I don't know what we did, but it must've been something dreadful," Fawkes added.

"He sent the Aurors after us and everything!" Albus said.

"Albus, don't exaggerate," Fawkes scolded him.

"Well, now, there must be some mistake. Your brother's a fine gentleman and he loves you!" Nicholas said.

"I don't think so. You should've seen the look on his face," said Fawkes.

"He doesn't like us at all," Albus added.

"Well, now, that doesn't seem likely, does it?" Nicholas asked.

"It's true," Fawkes stated sadly.

"Let's sit down," Nicholas said. "You know, begging your pardon, but the one my heart goes out to is your brother. There is his in his cold, heartless bar day after day, hemmed in by masses of cold, heartless people. I don't like to see any living thing caged up."

"Aberforth in a cage?" Albus asked sceptically.

"They make cages in all sizes and shapes, you know. Bar-shaped, some of them, carpets and all."

"Aberforth's not in trouble. We are," Fawkes said.

"Oh, sure about that, are you?" Nicholas asked. "Look at it this way. You've got your house-elves to look after you. And Minerva, and the portraits, and me. Who looks after Aberforth? Tell me that. When something terrible happens, what does he do? Fends for himself, he does. Who does he tell about it? No one! Don't blab his troubles at home. He just pushes on at his job, uncomplaining and alone and silent."

"He's not very silent!" Fawkes said.

"Fawkes, be quiet. Nicholas, do you think that Aberforth really needs our help?" Albus asked.

"Well, it's not my place to say. I only observe that a father can always do with a bit of help. Come on, I'll take you home," Nicholas said. He took Albus's arm and Apparated them back to the gates of Hogwarts.

"Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree,

A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be.

Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo,

Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you;

Or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too.

Now as the ladder of life has been strung,

You might think a sweep's on the bottommost rung.

Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke,

In this whole wide world there's no happier bloke.

Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree,

A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be.

Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo,

Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you," Nicholas sang.

Fawkes and Albus joined in.

"Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree,

A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be.

Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo,

Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you."

They arrived at the portrait to Albus's room, and Albus said the password.

"Oh, Bloomie, see who that is, and send them away. I'm dreadfully late!" Armando said. He was on his way to a poetry reading at St. Mungo's, where he had a portrait.

"Yes, sir," Bloomie said.

"Well, I'll be gettin' along now," Nicholas said.

"Oh, please stay 'til Aberforth comes back. He'll feel much better if you shake hands with him," Fawkes said.

"It's Master Albus and Master Fawkes, sir," Bloomie said, escorting Albus, Fawkes, and Nicholas upstairs.

"Oh, I thought they were with Aberforth. You haven't been running off again, have you? You

know how terribly it upsets me," Armando scolded them.

"Oh, they haven't exactly been running away, sir. They have had bit of a fright, though. Need

someone to look after 'em," Nicholas said.

"Oh, of course! Minerva will. Oh, no, it's her day off! Bloomie, I wonder if you would –" Armando trailed off.

Bloomie shook her head. "No, sir. I haven't done me brasses yet."

"Well, will you ask Quigley?" Armando asked, referring to another one of Albus's house-elves.

"Not for a hundred Galleons, sir. This here is baking day, and you know how Quigley is!" Bloomie exclaimed.

"What about you, sir? You've been so kind in looking after Albus and Fawkes," Armando said.

"Wh-- uh, me, ma'am? W-well, well, I-I-I have to be moving along. My wife, Mrs. Flamel, has got a stopped-up chimney," Nicholas stammered.

"Chimney. How clever of you to know. Our drawing room chimney's in the most ghastly condition. Smokes incessantly," Armando said. "Quite damaging to our portraits, you know.

"W-w--," Nicholas stammered.

"Thank you so much!" Armando said.

"But—" Nicholas protested.

"Besides, it'll amuse Albus and Fawkes," Armando said.

"My wife's gonna be terrible put out," Nicholas gave one last-ditch attempt to get out of this job.

"Oh, thank you so much. I do appreciate it. I must hurry. The poetry reading at St. Mungo's will not wait! Good bye. I'll see you soon," Armando said, stepping sideways out of his portrait.

Nicholas sighed and got to work.

"I choose me bristles with pride, yes, I do;

A broom for the shaft,

And a brush for the flue."

"Oh, it's awfully dark and gloomy up there," Fawkes said, peering up the chimney.

"There now. You see how wrong people can be? That there is what you might call a doorway to

a place of enchantment," Nicholas said.

"Up where the smoke is all billowed and curled,

'Tween pavement and stars

Is the chimney sweep world.

When there's hardly no day,

Nor hardly no night;

There's things half in shadow,

And halfway in light.

On the rooftops of Hogwarts,

Coo, what a sight," Nicholas sang.

"I do wish we could go up there," Fawkes said wistfully.

"So do I! I like chimneys," Albus said.

"Oh, rightly so! A chimney is a wondrous thing. She's built tall right up there on the roof. When

the wind is just right, it blows across her top, then draws the smoke right up the flue. Here. Feel

the pull on the end of that brush," he said, handing the brush to Fawkes. "It's like I got a whale on the end of the line, ain't it, Fawkes?" Nicholas asked.

"Be careful," Minerva said, stepping behind him. "You never know what may happen around a fireplace. Oh, bother!" Minerva exclaimed as Fawkes flew up the chimney.

"Fawkes! Fawkes, come back down here. Fawkes! Fawkes, where are you?" Albus cried up the chimney.

"Well, that's a bit awkward. I must say!" Nicholas said.

"Uncle Nicholas, I'll thank you to stop putting ideas in their heads!" she said, just as Albus flew up the chimney as well. "There goes the other one," she sighed.

"Shall I go after 'em?" Nicholas asked.

"Well, we can't have them gallivanting up there like kangaroos, can we?" Minerva asked rhetorically.

Meanwhile, up on the roof, Fawkes was comforting Albus. "Albus, don't be frightened. Everything's going—"

Minerva and Nicholas popped up out of the chimney. Nicholas landed quite ungracefully, while Minerva floated down gently. "Will you put your things on at once?" she demanded, handing Albus his coat. "Hurry up, please. Spit spot!"

"Here you are! I thought you'd left us," Nicholas said.

"We didn't mean to," Fawkes said.

"Well, no harm done." Nicholas said. "The truth is, this is what you might call a fortuitous circumstance. Look there. A trackless jungle just waiting to be explored. Why not, Minerva?" he asked.

"Oh, please, Minerva?" Fawkes pleaded.

"Please?" asked Albus.

"Oh, well. If we must, we must," she said, powdering her nose with soot. "Fall in. Look lively, look lively. Jump to it! Jump to it! Get in line." Minerva ordered. "Attention! A-show arms! A-right turn! Quick march!" All four of them began to march.

"Hello there!" Fawkes said, sticking his head into one of the chimneys. It belched smoke all over his face.

"It's just good, clean soot, Fawkes," Nicholas said. They continued to march on.

"As far as we go, right?" Nicholas asked.

"Not at all," Minerva said. She poked a cloud of smoke with her wand, turning the smoke into stairs, and began to climb, indicating that the others should join her. The cloud brought them off the roof of the Headmaster's Tower.

"What did I tell ya? There's the whole world at your feet. And who gets to see it, but the birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps?" Nicholas said. They looked at the lights of Hogsmeade below them.

"Quite nice, but we should all get in out of the night air," Minerva said. "Follow me, please." They stepped on a cloud, which began to lower them to another part of the roofs.

"Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim

Chim cheree when you're with a sweep you're in glad company," Minerva sang.

"Nowhere is there a more happier crew," Nicholas sang.

"Then them what sings chim chim cheree, chim cheroo," Minerva joined him. "Chim chiminy chim chim cheree chim cheroo."


	9. Step in Time

Chapter Nine: Step in Time

* * *

Suddenly the four of them heard cries of "Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo!" from the rooftops, and Nicholas looked around as several house-elves popped up from the chimneys.

"It's all my pals!" Nicholas exclaimed in delight!

"Step in time!" he said. "Step in time!"

The house-elves joined in.

"Step in time!  
Step in time!  
Step in time!  
Step in time!  
Step in time, step in time,  
Come on, mateys, step in time!

Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Step in time;

Never need a reason, never need a rhyme,  
We step in time, we step in time!"

"Kick your knees up!" Nicholas shouted.

"Kick your knees up step in time,  
Kick your knees up, step in time,  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme,  
Kick your knees up step in time!" the house-elves sang, kicking their knees up.

"Round the chimney!" he cried.

"Round the chimney step in time  
Round the chimney, step in time  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme  
Round the chimney we step in time!"

"Flap like a birdie!" Nicholas declared, and he led the house-elves in flapping like a birdie.

"Flap like a birdie step in time,  
Flap like a birdie, step in time,  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme  
Flap like a birdie in time!"

"Up on the railing!"

"Up on the railing step in time,  
Up on the railing, step in time,  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme,  
Up on the railing step in time!"

"Over the rooftops!"

"Over the rooftops, step in time,  
Over the rooftops, step in time,  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme,  
Over the rooftops, over the rooftops, over the rooftops…" sang the house-elves.

"Link your elbows!" cried Nicholas.

"Link your elbows, step in time,  
Link your elbows, step in time,  
Never need a reason never need a rhyme,  
Link your elbows, link your elbows, link your elbows…" sang the house-elves.

"Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Step in time,  
Never need a reason, never need a rhyme,  
When you step in time you step in time!" Nicholas joined the house-elves in singing. They continued to dance on the rooftops of Hogwarts, Minerva, Albus, and Fawkes watching in delight. Minerva could not restrain her feet from tapping to the tune of the song.

Albus stood up and took Minerva into his arms.

"Minerva McGonagall, step in time!" he said, smiling down at her as he twirled her across the rooftops.

The house-elves and Nicholas shouted their encouragement. Nicholas cut in and then Minerva danced with each of the house-elves in turn before dancing by herself.

"There you go, Minerva!"

"Lucky old Albus!"

"Come on, Minerva!"

"Here we go, mate! Here we go! Make room for her! Go!"

"Ain't she marvelous?" one of the house-elves asked as she spun in the air. The house-elves, Nicholas, and Albus spun as well.

She did a double spin.

"Ain't she beautiful? Lovely. Tell your mum!" another house-elf said.

Once more she spun, this time remaining in mid-air for nearly thirty seconds.

"Hello, hello, hello!"

She landed and winked at the house-elves before rejoining Albus, Fawkes, and Nicholas on one of the chimneys.

"More! More! Minerva, do it again! Come on, Minerva, do it again!"

She shook her head, and the house-elves began to dance again.

"We're being attacked by Hottentots!" one of the gargoyles yelled.

"Aye, aye, sir," another replied.

"Cheeky devils!" declared the first gargoyle. "Give 'em a what-for! Empty the shot lockers!" he said.

"Aye-aye, sir!" the second one replied, and lit the match, firing fireworks at the dancers.

"Move along! Handsomely now. Teach the beggars a lesson," the first gargoyle said.

"Gun ready, sir," replied the second.

"Stand by," the first gargoyle said. "Fire! Fire! Well hit, sir! Very well hit!"

Albus, Minerva, Nicholas, Fawkes, and the house-elves jumped down the nearest chimney and tumbled out into Albus's office.

"Aah! They're at it again!" Armando Dippet cried.

"They're at it again!  
Step in time,  
At it again,  
Step in time  
They're at it again!  
Step in time," the house-elves and Nicholas sang.

"Ow!" Albus's house-elf Bloomie shrieked as she entered the room and saw the commotion.

"Ow,  
Step in time,  
Ow,  
Step in time,  
Never need a reason, never need a rhyme,  
Whoa!  
Step in time!"

The house-elves began to dance, twirling Bloomie along with them. Albus had swept Minerva up in his arms and began dancing with her too.

"It's Master Aberforth!" Bloomie cried as she heard Aberforth walk up the stairs.

"It's the master  
Step in time,  
It's the master,  
Step in time!" sang the house-elves.

"What's all this?" Aberforth asked, looking at the chaotic scene in shock.

The house-elves swept him up in their dance.

"What's all this?  
What's all this?  
What's all this?  
What's all this?  
What's all this?  
What's all this?  
Link your elbows, step in time,  
What's all this?  
Kick your knees up,  
What's all this?  
Step in time  
Kick your knees up  
Kick your knees up!"

Minerva turned to Albus after noticing that Aberforth was growing more and more confused.

"Albus?" she said, raising her eyebrow. He nodded.

"Kick your knees up,  
Kick your knees up in time!"

The house-elves released Aberforth and began to file out of the office, each shaking Aberforth's hand as they left.

"Good luck, guv'nor," one house-elf said to him.

"Lovely time!"

"Had an elegant time, guv'nor!"

Fawkes, too, tried to sneak out of the office with the house-elves. He had a large cap covering his eyes. He didn't fool Aberforth, though, who lifted up the cap.

"Good luck, guv'nor!" Fawkes peeped. Aberforth shook his head, and Fawkes meekly flew back to Albus's shoulder.

Once all the house-elves had left, Albus turned to his brother.

"Oh, Aberforth, every one of those house-elves shook your hand! You're going to be the luckiest person in the world!"

Minerva noticed the unhappy expression on Aberforth's face.

"Come along, Albus and Fawkes. Spit spot," Minerva said, ushering them upstairs.

"Just a moment, Minerva," Aberforth said, and Minerva stopped, turning around to face him. "What is the meaning of this outrage?"

"I beg your pardon?" she asked.

"Will you be good enough to explain all this?" Aberforth asked.

"First of all," she began, "I would like to make one thing quite clear."

"Yes?" Aberforth asked.

"I never explain anything," she said, and turned smartly on her heel, ushering Albus and Fawkes up the stairs, leaving Nicholas and Aberforth in Albus's office.


End file.
